A sense of peace.

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That’s what I said my goal was, when I went into group therapy.  I never expected it to transform me into someone whose life was 100% happy and bubbly all the time – that is unrealistic – I don’t think anyone’s life is like that.  What I want is to get away from that heavy, dragging feeling inside me, that makes everything, even thinking and feeling, such hard work.  The absence of that would be wonderful, and would leave me feeling lighter, and more peaceful – and from that foundation, I feel I could cope with the normal ups and downs of daily life – enjoy the happy bits and the fun bits, and not be devastated by the bad bits.  Taking it all in my stride, sums it up, I suppose.

I have an inkling of that feeling this morning, and rather than thinking, ‘Oh, it won’t last’, I am going to enjoy it, and live in the moment.  My therapist used to talk about not running away from feelings (particularly negative ones, but I think it applies to positive ones too), but sitting with them for a while before moving on.  Sometimes it feels easier to hide from the negative feelings, but I need to acknowledge them, and look at my reaction to them, because that is what matters, I think.

I need to head off to the post office – I have two parcels to post, and I must get that done today, otherwise it will just hang over me.  I would also like to do some tidying – perhaps in the dining room.  The office/library is in real need of sorting, but I look at it and don’t know where to start, so I am avoiding it.  Which is probably entirely against the spirit of the rest of this post, so maybe I will tackle the office later on.  There’s a housework system called FlyLady – and one of the basic tenets of that, if I recall correctly, is that you can do anything for 15 minutes – so set a timer, do 15 minutes of sorting or whatever, and then stop for a few minutes – then go back for another 15.  I suppose it is reducing the task to bite sized morsels, rather than being overwhelmed by the whole thing.  I will give it a go and we will see how I do.

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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