Not only has the computer managed to find the lost files, so I can use google chrome again, but this means I can post the photo of the scarf I was talking about yesterday. Add this to a better night’s sleep, and it is time to hang out the bunting!
I am feeling a bit – well, odd is the best word I can come up with – about the fact that today is my last session of psychotherapy. I’ve been going for two and three-quarter years now, almost every Thursday. That’s a huge commitment of time, and I’ve built up some serious relationships – that’s bound to happen in a group where people are talking about their innermost selves. I guess I am a bit worried that it will all go to hell in a handbasket when I leave, and I will find that I can’t keep my mood stable and content on my own. And I know I am not completely well – there’s still a lot that I am struggling with – my weight, my lack of motivation to do anything, my tiredness and poor sleep patterns, and I am going to have to see if I can improve these on my own.
There is a safety net, of course – well, more than one, in fact. If neccessary, the doctor could refer me back to the group psychotherapy, though I would go onto the waiting list again, and would join a different group, which would be a challenge. And I could have Cognitive Behavioural Therapy privately, through N’s health insurance – and I might well do that in a couple of months time.
However, given that in the past, I have felt that I’d never be leaving the group – I’d still be there on my zimmer frame, with my pension book in my pocket – it is actually a hugely Positive Thing that I have reached a point where I feel reasonably able to cope outside, on my own, even if I am not totally sure.