Why can’t I just get out of bed?

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I can do it when I have to – if we are going somewhere, and I need to be up early, or if the boys need my help with their paper rounds, or if N brings home an injured, stray staffy, but on a day-to-day basis, can I get myself out of bed at a reasonable time?  No I cannot.  

This morning, for example, I was woken up early by N getting up and having his shower, and No3 son ringing home because his bike had broken on his paper round and he needed to be picked up, and I was pretty well awake then, and could have got up – but I didn’t.  I let myself give in to the lure of my duvet and my pillows, and went back to sleep.  Even when my alarm went off, at the later, but, by my standards at least, reasonable time of 8.20am, I still didn’t manage to get free of the duvet’s clutches.  Instead I hit the snooze button repeatedly, and didn’t manage to get up until nearly 10.30am.

There is a part of me that says, well, I must need the sleep, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to drop off again so easily, nor sleep so deeply in the mornings.  But another part points out that, if I got up earlier, I would probably sleep better at night, and not need that early morning sleep.  Plus I would be up and about, and ready to get on with the day so much sooner.

I suspect that I am hiding from reality in sleep.  I just want to be cuddled up, safe and sound, and not having to engage with the world at all – and that is not a good thing.  I have a horrible feeling that I need to add another ‘Small Thing’ to my list of things that I am going to change – and that is that I will get up when the alarm goes off, or I will get up before 9am – something like that.  Maybe the latter would be better – I could leave the alarm set for 8.20am, and still allow myself a bit more snooze, knowing I have to get up before 9am.  OK – that is decided.  Starting tomorrow, I will be up by 9am.  I’ll let you know how I get on.

I wish I could say that failure is not an option, but all too often I feel that I have failed at something or another.  The latest diet, parenting, being a wife etc etc etc.  Today, however, I did have a proper breakfast – something I very rarely do, and which I know full well plays a big part in sabotaging my diet.  I will consider adding ‘have breakfast’ as another small thing to change – which seems counter-intuitive when I am trying to lose weight, but I do know that breakfast is an important meal, and without it, I get to lunchtime absolutely ravenous, and wanting to eat all sorts of rubbish!

All in all, despite the long lie-in, and the way that makes me feel, I am feeling reasonably positive now.  And my fingers are crossed for tomorrow morning!

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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