Yesterday was a bad day as far as the depression goes, but it seems as if there was something physical going on too. By the evening, I was feeling ache-y and hot-cold-shivery, and N had to pack me off to bed with a hot drink, and the dogs to snuggle. I pretty much slept the clock round (my alarm did go off at 9.15am, but I hit the snooze button and snoozed until gone 11am) – and I have decided that that is fine – I was doing what my body needed at that point, and I have to be sensible about my health – I was poorly and needed sleep more than I needed to achieve every one of the small changes today.
finally woke up feeling better this morning, both physically and emotionally. I suspect I may well be in a down-swing of the depression, but I do know that that is going to happen from time to time – even if my depression could be completely cured, I would still have some bad days, some days when I felt down – because that is part of life – everyone has bad days. I think when you have depression, it can be very easy to see these ordinary ‘down’ days as ‘Ohh help, I am getting depressed again’.
I have talked to N about how the way he expresses his views and opinions makes me feel. I don’t know if he is going to remember, or if it will make a difference the next time he wants to have a rant about benefits or taxation or the ‘underclass’, but I can hope. And maybe next time I will deal with it better too. I think I need to recognise that I am not going to change his opinions, and that it is fine for me to tell him that I don’t want to listen to them. I need to learn to move on from conversations like that, and not let them eat away at me. I am not responsible for his views, but I am responsible for my reactions, and that is where I am going to concentrate my efforts.