I have to confess that the small changes are slipping. I have managed to stick to the one about water at night instead of blackcurrant, but the no sweet things on weekdays, and the getting up before 9am have both been honoured more in the breach than the observance, and I haven’t done much housework either. Feeling grim (because I am still not over this colc) is a reasonable excuse, for the moment, but things have got to change in the future, and they will.
I cut this short, because I was on the iPad, and for some reason, it doesn’t like this blog site, and it is nigh impossible to write a post on there – even by posting every few words, and going back to the edit screen to post some more – so I don’t write long posts on there.
What I should have said is that I am not beating myself up about the things I am not achieving at the moment, even though I have labelled them as failures. I am trying on for size the idea that failing at something does not make me a failure – it makes me human. And If I can’t forgive myself for being human, then who will?
One Positive Thing Every Day was never supposed to be a way for me to beat myself up – it was supposed to help me focus on the fact that there are positive things in my life, and achievements, no matter how tiny they are, and that is what matters. Likewise the small changes were supposed to help me feel good about getting back a bit of control in my life, not to provide another stick to beat myself with.
So, a fresh start. Focus on the positive thing or things. Celebrate the small achievements and forgive the lapses. One day at a time – hell, one minute at a time, if that is what it needs.
And in the interests of a bit more balance – I achieved something this afternoon – I made some cushion covers. I bought the fabric at the Knit and Stitch show at Alexandra Palace, and it has been on my project list ever since – but now it is done! I would have made more, if I hadn’t run out of backing fabric – but I can buy more and make more cushion covers now.