But I made a positive step today, and registered at the new gym that has opened up only 2 miles from us – it’s run by the local council, so it is much cheaper than using a private gym like David Lloyd or Virgin Active – and hopefully its nearness will make me more likely to go. I have booked an induction on Tuesday morning, so I will go at least once during my year’s membership!
Then the rest of the day consisted of lunch, Tour de France (no stuck buses today) and a headache-y, tired sit in front of the tv, whilst the wonderful N cooked roast pork and all the trimmings for us – which was very tasty – and then the treat of a new series of Top Gear.
Oh, and when I found myself waiting in the car for N, outside the supermarket, without a book to keep me amused, I dug out my notebook and pen, and did some zentangling, which was, I think, a very positive thing to do. I am really enjoying it, and it made the time fly by.
I’ve spent some time this evening searching out step-by-step zentangle patterns that I can have a go at in the future. I should be doing some crochet, but my head is too tired and sore.
I’ve been on 10mg of citalopram for 16 days now – I think I will go on for another 12 at least, before I drop it altogether – though I am tempted to do it now. I don’t know – maybe I will ask on MN.
And it has been a nice day. Nothing earthshattering – just quiet and peaceful, and I have enjoyed watching the first stage of the Tour de France – especially when one of the team buses got caught under the finish line gantry, and was stuck there with the organisers hastily trying to rearrange the end of the race. The bus was backed out in time, and the race did finish at the proper place, but due to a crash at about 4K, Mark Cavendish didn’t win the stage and isn’t in yellow tonight, which is a shame – but that is road racing.
I am still so tired – I am considering an early night, reading for a while and then trying to get a long night’s sleep – but no2 son is out at a party, so I am probably going to get woken up when he gets back in, at some daft time of night. Oh the joys of owning teenagers.
Today has definitely felt like a Saturday – N took the day off work, and all the boys have finished school/university, so were at home – and all day I have had to stop and reassess and remind myself that it is Friday, not Saturday!
It has been a good day, despite the confusion, though. We went over to Silverburn, and had lunch at Wagamama – their pork ramen is utterly delicious, and I enjoyed every bite of it. Lunch was followed by the weekly shop, but because my leg was hurting, N offered to do it on his own, so I sat in the cafe with a drink and a book, and waited whilst he did it all – the star!
Then home to watch the tennis – and Andy Murray is through to the next round of Wimbledon. Tomorrow is even better, because the Tour de France starts – with three stages in Corsica. The first is a road race stage, rather than a prologue, and looks like being a race made for a sprinter, so there is a good chance that Mark Cavendish could win the yellow jersey on Stage 1, which would be pretty amazing.
Apart from that, I am shattered – I could sit down in front of the tv and just fall asleep – and nearly did so in front of the tennis. But I do feel like I am sleeping a bit better, as the dosage of citalopram drops – I am not sure if this is actually the case or if I am just convincing myself, but we shall see.
…Thankfully not as vicious looking as this chap (I did look for a picture of one looking suspcious, but this was the best I came up with). The doctor has referred me to the hospital, and I will see a dermatologist next week (luckily N has private health insurance through his work, so I was able to book in straight away to see the consultant).
The doctor also thought that my ‘orrible cough and tickly throat are still probably viral, so I am supposed to take paracetamol and ibuprofen, to reduce the inflammation, and it will go away eventually.
What I didn’t ask her (because I thought two separate problems was enough for one consultation) was how long to stay on 10mg of citalopram before dropping off it altogether – I may consult Mumsnet for that one instead. I am feeling fine at the moment – as good as I ever do, and considerably better than I have felt sometimes – and for me, that is very positive progress, and I am seriously considering dropping the citalopram once and for all – but it does seem like a pretty big step, and the cautious voice at the back of my mind telling me to stay on 10mg for a couple more weeks at least, before stopping completely. We shall see.
I make bad decisions when I am depressed or having a bad day. Bad decisions about food (comfort eating, stuffing myself full of sweet stuff and fatty stuff that I know is bad for me – and makes me fatter leading to a vicious downward spiral of self-loathing), spending money I don’t have or can’t afford – like just now, on in-game purchases on the PC or the iPad. Sometimes I can stop myself, but other times I either can’t – or I just don’t.
Doing this doesn’t make me feel better – intellectually I know this, but I still do it.
Perhaps I need to step away from the PC – or at least, step away from the games – and do something more constructive or creative. It’s not like I don’t have plenty of tidying and cleaning that needs doing, and plenty of creative projects just waiting for me to either finish them off or get going on them.
Maybe I should sit down and do some doodling – the zentangle book has arrived, so I could work through some of the exercises and start learning more about that.
I’ve even downloaded apps onto the iPad to learn basic Japanese and Russian, and to brush up on my German vocab.
I need a good shake.
I got my behind in gear and did some zentangle doodling, and here is the result!
Ooops – I missed Monday again. But it was a good day – despite being very tired after the broken sleep at the weekend, I had a good time at knitting group. One of the ladies who I’d driven to Seamills for our day out, had baked me a chocolate cake to say thank you – which was so lovely of her, and she really didn’t have to do that! It is a very delicious cake too – the boys and I really appreciated it last night – and I think at least one of them has appreciated it for breakfast this morning!!
I had a lie-in this morning – only until 9.20, but I really appreciated it.
I have been reading an article on sugar addiction in today’s paper, and the author is suggesting that sugar is absolutely the worst thing to have in your diet – and the side effects of too much sugar include weight gain, inability to lose weight, tiredness and slowed mental faculties – all of which ring true with me. So despite all the sugary loveliness in the house, I am going to start drastically reducing the amount of refined sugar I consume – and that is going to mean no fruit juice, almost no squash, no sweets or cakes etc etc. I am not going to go completely sugar free – but if I can reduce the amount of sugar I consume to a small fraction of what it is now, the odd sweet or cake won’t do me great harm. Big bagfuls of wafer rolls filled with chocolate hazelnut loveliness will do, though – so I shall tell the boys they can eat as much of them as they want – and they will vanish like dew on a sunny day!
Yesterday’s dinner with friends was great fun – it was one of those evenings where the time flew by, and before we knew it, it was nearly 11.30pm! That said, we were still the first of the family to get home – both No2 and No3 sons were at parties – and we weren’t expecting No3 back at all, as he was supposed to be having a sleepover in the village – but he changed his mind and came home at 12.30am, just as N and I were thinking of going to sleep – so that was good timing. Less good was hearing how much he had drunk in the evening, and I have had a talk to him about bingeing.
No2 son was supposed to be getting home at about 1.30am, and had said he would text his dad if he was going to crash at a friend’s house. I couldn’t sleep, so tossed and turned, until nearly 3.30am, when I woke N to ask him if he had received a text from No2 – and he hadn’t. Not only had he not texted but he wasn’t replying to either texts or calls from us, so we were getting quite cross – when he waltzed in through the door, with the excuse that he couldn’t ring us as his phone had almost run out of charge. He is oh so very grounded!!
Today has been fairly quiet, as both N and I are so tired after our disturbed night. He did manage to sleep between No3 coming home and No2 rolling in, and dropped off quicker than I did once No2 was safely tucked up in bed – but he then got up pretty early to drive the boys round their paper rounds, whilst I had a bit of a lie-in. But I hadn’t got to sleep at all last night until after 4.30am, so even with the lie-in, I still only got about 6 hours sleep.
I did get N to take me over to Waitrose in Newton Mearns – I have been wanting to go for ages (I love a good Waitrose), and we had a light lunch there, and did a bit of shopping – and then had a quiet afternoon at home. Unfortunately, No1 son is on his way home, but won’t be getting into Glasgow until after the last train for Johnstone has left, so we will have to drive in and pick him up, so no early night tonight. Hey ho – such is the life of the parents of teenagers!