I’m tired, I’m not eating sensibly, I’m not caring about my diet or my weight, and I have a dull numbness inside me – allied to a feeling of deep hurt, from what N said to me. I don’t know what to do about this.
I’m also feeling worthless, and disgusted with myself. I am so good at hearing the negatives about myself, latching onto them, letting them eat into me. I know this, and I know it is in my power not to let this happen – but for the life of me, I don’t know how to do it. I laughed recently at a ‘damning with faint praise’ email that my mum sent me, critiquing my felt picture – as I said in an earlier post. But what N said, can’t be laughed off or laughed at.
Bottom line is that what he said is going to be with me forever – I am going to have to learn to live with it, but I don’t know how, at the moment.