I feel like crap today – mainly because of a bad night’s sleep, caused by a combination of negative thoughts going round and round in my head, and the fact that No1 son was up on his laptop until 2.30am, and any light makes it hard for me to sleep.
I had a bit of a lie-in this morning, and did manage to make myself have a shower, so that was a good thing. I haven’t achieved a lot today, but I have talked to friends on FB about the row, and about other things, and have been soothed and encouraged by them.
I am encouraged by the fact that I can recognise that tiredness is the main cause of how awful I feel today – and that feeling tired after sleeping badly is normal. This doesn’t mean that I am sliding back down into the pit again. I know I am going to have to forgive N for what he said, but I also know I am going to struggle to forget it, and it is going to colour my reactions towards him – and it is contributing to my own self-loathing.
I am feeling bitter and resentful at the moment – inclined to growl at everyone, and comfort eating far more than I should. It is just a phase, though, and I can get through it. I have to hold onto that as tightly as I hold onto the negative thoughts.