If I am honest, I don’t feel any worse than I did when I was on the antidepressants, so I suppose that is positive – but I am struggling at the moment. To be honest, it sort-of feels as if I will always be this way – struggling to motivate myself to do anything, tired, sad, living in a house that needs a lot of tidying and cleaning (but not wanting to do any of it), with lots of lovely craft projects to do, yet lacking any motivation to start any of them, and not looking forward to anything much in life, apart from sleep, and death.
God – that looks pretty bleak, written down like that. But I have achieved something today – I took my new steam cleaner upstairs and tackled the en suite shower cubicle, which now does look a lot better than it did. I haven’t tidied up the cleaner, though – it is just there cooling off (in case I get the motivation for a second round of cleaning – hahahaha), and all the bottles of shower gel and shampoo are in the sink, waiting to be tidied back into the shower.
Generally, I feel like a bit of a failure today, and this week – and all I really want to do is to crawl into bed and sleep until everything is better again. But how long would that be?