Monthly Archives: October 2013

My latest project

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My latest project

This is yesterday’s Positive Thing – I finished the cardigan I have been knitting – I used a pattern, but had to adapt it a lot, as I was using a different gauge of wool, and I am really pleased that it has come out pretty much the way I wanted it. I’ll be wearing it on Friday when I meet up with the girls I did my nurse training with – 30 years ago!

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Things getting better.

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First thing – the dog is well on the road to recovery.  She has finished her specially-prescribed dog food, and is now on fish and rice, or turkey mince and potatoes (lovingly prepared by yours truly), hasn’t worried at her stitches at all, and is pretty much back to her normal self.  We’ve even started taking her out for carefully chosen and monitored walks – she was going stir-crazy!

No3 son has been very thoughtful and has been doing his best to live down what happened last weekend, and there hasn’t been any stress in the house, which has been good.

I think I am coming up out of the latest depression – last weekend did set me back, but not terminally, and I am feeling better now.  I think the St Johns Wort is definitely helping, and I will be buying more when this packet runs out.  I have also read a recommendation, from another mumsnetter, for omega 3 oils – she said they transformed how she felt – so I have started taking them too – at night time, because otherwise I get ‘orrible fishy burps!  I am also taking zinc, and vitamins B and D – and I have a multivitamin with iron that I should add to the mix as well – it can’t do any harm.

Last week was a fairly quiet week – I didn’t go out much as I felt I needed to stay at home and look after the dog, and I can’t think of lots of positive things I did – but maybe just getting to the end of the week, with the family all fed and healthy, is a positive.  I have been getting on with my knitting – I need to finish the sleeves of my cardigan, sew in the ends and sew the sleeves in before next Friday, so I can wear it to the celebration meal for my nursing group’s 30th anniversary.

We are going to a hotel and spa in Wilmslow – I am going for two nights, and I am quite looking forward to it – and actually that is a real positive for me.  In the past, I have often felt active dread at the thought of an upcoming social engagement – meal, meeting, concert etc – and have had to force myself to go.  I usually enjoy myself, so I know the dread is illogical, but it didn’t help that much, unfortunately.  But this time, even if I am not really looking forward to the weekend, I am not dreading it, and that is hugely positive.

So I can end this post on a high note!

Oh blimey – drama in the craftygenius household!

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The end of the week was not good at all.  N was away on business, flying back Friday evening, so No3 son and I were home alone – when he came into the lounge and went utterly nuclear about one of the dogs having chewed the special beaker he drinks his sports energy drinks from.  He’d left it in the den, within reach of the dogs, but this fact made no difference at all – there was swearing, knocking over of furniture, and he even talked about his willingness to use shock collars to train the dogs (something we will NEVER do) and even talking about killing them.  He did later apologise and say that a lot of what he said was heat-of-the-moment, in anger, and he didn’t mean it – but unfortunately this didn’t make it any easier to cope with at the time.  I was in floods of tears on the phone to N (who just happened to ring just as this was all kicking off) – and No3 could see how upset I was, but even that didn’t stop his ranting.

Later on, just as I was about to go to the airport to fetch N, no2dog threw up all over the couch.  As she is neurotic and nervy, I put this down to the trauma of the scene that No3 son had treated us to.

I picked up N, and we went to a local chain restaurant for a bite to eat, and a chance for me to talk to N, and for us to decide how to deal with No3 son.  When we got home, he had a chat with the lad, and apologies were forthcoming.  Unfortunately the dog carried on being sick – four times in all – but we still put that down to the upset.

The next morning, she had been sick a couple more times in the night (once in her bed, then she’d moved in with No1dog, and thrown up in her bed too – nice!), and really wasn’t looking well, so we booked an appointment at the vet, and after one more copious throw-up, she went at 10.20, and was diagnosed with an intestinal obstruction – she had to stay at the vet’s, and had emergency surgery at lunchtime – to remove a plastic water-bottle cap, which she had probably found on the floor of the den, because No3 son is a slob and leaves his rubbish everywhere.

N and I were pretty upset about her being so ill, but thankfully she is home now, and on the mend.

I am still finding it hard to cope with my feelings towards No3 son – I am horrified that a child I raised could say such hurtful things and cause such pain, and apparently feel little remorse, and I have a lot of negative feelings right now.  I love him, but I don’t like him a lot at the moment.

Something positive to say at last – hurrah!

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After last week’s post-rehearsal meltdown, I was slightly apprehensive about last night’s rehearsal.  In fact, I almost wimped out of going – using my current nasty cough and cold as an excuse.  But I felt that, having made a bit of a scene, and given that the conductor had said he would modify the way he rehearses us, I had an obligation to go – and so I made myself go.  That is one positive thing.

And then, the rehearsal went really well indeed (despite a few occasions where the singing set off an irritating cough that made my eyes water) – and I came away really happy, and feeling as if I had got a good grasp of the new piece we had learned.  Not only that, but I felt that I was starting to get a good grasp on the interpretation too – because I had had enough time to get the notes in my head first.  It is such a huge relief to get back to enjoying choir again, as it has been a bit of a struggle for a while now.  This term was difficult because of the new rehearsal style, and last term was a struggle too, because of one piece we were performing, which we were really not getting to grips with (and which eventually was cut down severely for the final concert, to just the last movement of the piece, rather than the whole thing – it was the Stravinsky Symphony of Psalms, by the way).

Then this morning, N ordered a taxi to take him to the airport, instead of me getting up to drive him.  I had had a really bad night’s sleep – mainly due to the cold and cough, but partly due to him leaving the bedroom door partly open, so it squeaked and banged, and also him leaving his playbook the right way up, so I could see the red light on it flashing.  I know it is stupid, and other people can sleep through these things with no problems at all, but sometimes the smallest things can keep me awake – or maybe it is that it’s my worry about insomnia that gives these things a significance that isn’t real.  Somehow I have got it into my head that I can’t sleep unless the room is as near totally dark and completely quiet as possible, so that anything that stops the room being totally dark or completely quiet has a disproportionately bad effect on my sleeping.  And I know it is daft, because I can fall asleep on the couch, in daylight, with the tv on – go figure!

Welcome to October and to autumn.

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The leaves are turning brown and falling, and there is a distinct nip in the air.  And I have my first cold of the winter – what joy.

I have had a bit of a stressful week – well, Monday evening was stressful, and I have been feeling the effects ever since.  I have spoken before about the new rehearsal style our conductor is using at choir, and how I was struggling with it – because I was going home feeling that I had not achieved anything at rehearsal – I hadn’t got a decent grip of the notes because I’d been trying to get the interpretation he wanted, and I hadn’t got the interpretation right because I was trying to get the notes right at the same time.

Anyway, I decided I had to say something at the end of Monday’s rehearsal – and as soon as I started to speak, I started to cry, and it all got very snotty and teary.  I did manage to make my point to J, and he was so kind and supportive, and said such lovely things that I got even more teary and snot-laden.  He very kindly agreed to review what he is doing, and to give us a bit more time on learning the notes without trying to put the interpretation in as well.

I feel like such an idiot, though.  I have been getting more and more worked up about this (and I knew that I was not in a good place, emotionally), and if only I had done the sensible thing and dropped him an email or a FB message, outlining my worries and concerns, and letting him know how it was affecting me, I wouldn’t have made a complete show of myself in front of a large percentage of the choir members.  Who were, by the way, all lovely, and kind, and understanding – but I had to explain myself three times on my way to the car park – and then I was left standing there like a bump on a log, because N hadn’t got my text saying we were finishing early, and could he come and pick me up.  So poor J felt he had to offer me a lift home, as well as having had to deal with me weeping all over him.  He had a car full, so N came and got me – but it was kind of him to offer.

Just as a bit of light relief, though, I did blow his mind by showing him how you can blip your car from right across the carpark, by holding the fob by your head.  He didn’t know that, and was quite sceptical – and then it worked!!