Welcome to October and to autumn.

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The leaves are turning brown and falling, and there is a distinct nip in the air.  And I have my first cold of the winter – what joy.

I have had a bit of a stressful week – well, Monday evening was stressful, and I have been feeling the effects ever since.  I have spoken before about the new rehearsal style our conductor is using at choir, and how I was struggling with it – because I was going home feeling that I had not achieved anything at rehearsal – I hadn’t got a decent grip of the notes because I’d been trying to get the interpretation he wanted, and I hadn’t got the interpretation right because I was trying to get the notes right at the same time.

Anyway, I decided I had to say something at the end of Monday’s rehearsal – and as soon as I started to speak, I started to cry, and it all got very snotty and teary.  I did manage to make my point to J, and he was so kind and supportive, and said such lovely things that I got even more teary and snot-laden.  He very kindly agreed to review what he is doing, and to give us a bit more time on learning the notes without trying to put the interpretation in as well.

I feel like such an idiot, though.  I have been getting more and more worked up about this (and I knew that I was not in a good place, emotionally), and if only I had done the sensible thing and dropped him an email or a FB message, outlining my worries and concerns, and letting him know how it was affecting me, I wouldn’t have made a complete show of myself in front of a large percentage of the choir members.  Who were, by the way, all lovely, and kind, and understanding – but I had to explain myself three times on my way to the car park – and then I was left standing there like a bump on a log, because N hadn’t got my text saying we were finishing early, and could he come and pick me up.  So poor J felt he had to offer me a lift home, as well as having had to deal with me weeping all over him.  He had a car full, so N came and got me – but it was kind of him to offer.

Just as a bit of light relief, though, I did blow his mind by showing him how you can blip your car from right across the carpark, by holding the fob by your head.  He didn’t know that, and was quite sceptical – and then it worked!!

 

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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