Monthly Archives: July 2014

I slept – hurrah!

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I didn’t get to sleep until quite late – one of my sons is working at the SECC during the Games, and is doing all late turns, so didn’t get in until 12.45am – and I don’t get to sleep until they are in, so it was a late night. But I slept well, and feel a bit better today.

I felt motivated enough to get the pie filling for tomorrow’s dinner into the oven – I am casseroling some beef with onions and carrots and herbs, at a low temperature, for hours, and I hope I will end up with a lovely, succulent pie filling – I am going to add cubed potato and swede when I make the pie.

I do have a list of things to do today, so I am hoping for some motivation. I need to either clean the kitchen, or dust and polish the dining room and sitting room – once those are done, all I need to do is to vacuum and clean the floors on Saturday, and the house will be all ready for my mother-in-law’s visit next week.

I also need to write a menu for next week, and the shopping list – so N and I can tackle Tesco tonight – oh joy.

However, I do feel reasonably good – probably a 6/10 – so that is progress, I think.

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Better today.

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DSCF0872For a start, I slept better last night – so I felt better this morning – probably a 6/10, although I did wake up with a headache.

I had therapy today, and it was very interesting. From discussing yesterday, and my post about not having things to feel thankful about, and the responses to it, I learned that it is fine to not be OK, and to tell people about it, and that when I do, my friends support me and lift me up – and this contributed to my being able to do the spring cleaning in the conservatory – not something I would expect to get done on a day after a bad night, but my friends love made me feel stronger and able to do more.

We also talked about visualising the depression in my brain – a few weeks ago, I described it as big and dark grey, but today it had a bit more colour in it – dull browns and mustard yellows was what I came up with. We did a visualisation, bringing in more colour – and I saw a soft lavender blue pushing the darker colours down and into the bottom right hand corner of the visualisation. And then my therapist reminded me I can do that whenever I feel the need.

We also talked about food and eating, and about having healthy, easy-to-grab snacks available, so when I do want a snack, I can get something easily and quickly – because if something feels like hard work, I often don’t do it. We thought of things like grapes and cherries, fat free yoghurt with honey, and ice lollies – they have sugar in, but they are fat free, so not bad choices.

I have also got three blankets, five birds and a crochet flower brooch all packed up and labelled for their destinations, so I just have to get them to the post office tomorrow! I am so pleased with the little birds, and am planning to make lots more of them – I can make one in about 1.5 hours, so I can make one in an evening, and have that sense of achievement.

Bad day.

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Another disturbed night – only once, but it took ages to sort out the overflow dripping. As a result, I feel pretty crap – 5/10 max. I have managed to do some of the sorting and cleaning that needed doing, though, so that is a positive. The conservatory has needed a good spring-clean for some time now – and it has had it. All I need to do now is to tidy up some bits and pieces, then dust and polish the table – and sort out the couch – the thrown needs to go through the wash, and the cushions need sorting and maybe a cull – and then it is done.

Supper needs to be made – I don’t know if I have the energy.

A new week…

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…And a crap night’s sleep. Woken up not once but twice by the hot water tank overflow on the conservatory roof – plus a late night and difficulty dropping off, being too cold (for a change) and then everyone else in the house having an early start – noisily – from 6.30 onwards, so by 7.50 I was awake and in the shower. But I don’t feel too bad – 5/10, maybe. I need a quiet day, but I am heading off to knitting group – but I can come home early if need be.

A wet weekend.

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Yesterday was a pretty good day – I felt OK – slept quite well, but had a headache when I woke up. N brought breakfast, coffee and the dogs upstairs, so I stayed in bed, reading and eating toast – which was lovely – and then we sorted out the shopping list and headed off to Greenock. We had lunch at a cafe in Gourock, overlooking the Clyde – and I got the recipe for their Malay beef salad, which was gorgeous, and I will definitely be cooking, and then went round Tesco.

The rest of the afternoon consisted of watching the Tour de France Time Trial, whilst drinking Crabbies rhubarb and raspberry drink – which was delish!

All in all, I think yesterday was a 6/10.

Today – another lie-in, but not as long – then coffee followed by a brief visit to Braehead – I had enough money saved up to buy a pink kettle! I slept OK last night, but have a headache today (same old same old). Now N and I are tackling the office/library, and tidying it up – which is good.

This afternoon – final stage of the TdF, and then supper.

Today, I am a poor 6/10 – because of the headache – and what I need is painkillers!

A good day today!

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A definite 7/10. I genuinely feel good – I slept fairly well (better than a lot of recent nights), and am feeling quite positive. Faintest hint of a headache, but nothing to write home about (just here – lol). And whilst I haven’t managed to motivate myself to do any of the things that need doing, I have had a nice morning (No1 son went to McD’s and we had pancakes and sausage breakfasts – utterly evil but yum).

It gets busy here from today – with the paper rounds, labouring work, and the Commonwealth games (one volunteer, one employed fire marshall) – all being done by three sons heading off in every direction at all hours of the day!

Oh – and the two blankets I made have been picked by Stylecraft for the clever crafters section this week – I am so proud and amazed.

I did get some tidying done yesterday afternoon – in the front room, which now looks better than it did. I think I just have to do a bit at a time, each day.

Minor to moderate depression

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I have just done the Goldberg Depression test, and scored 28, which is mild-to-moderate depression. I find that encouraging – it is better than I thought I might do.

In the wake of yesterday’s confusion, I am going to start again with the ‘checking in’ daily process. I think I will stipulate that 6-7 out of 10 is the norm for me. It is a low norm, that isn’t properly reflected in the numbers, but I am going to look at how I am doing daily, relative to that norm, to see if there is improvement or regression. I think my norm is set fairly low – as time goes by, and there is improvement, I will have to adjust the scale somehow – maybe it is more accurate to say it is out of 15, rather than 10 – I don’t know. I might discuss this with my therapist next week.

So – today’s score is 6.5/10 – on the low side of the norm. I slept reasonably well, despite the heat, and don’t feel too headachey yet. I would like to get some tidying done today – my mother in law arrives for a visit in 10 days, and I would like the house to be clean and tidy – but it is a long way from that at the moment – it isn’t quite Kim and Aggie territory, but it is heading that way. I am going to try to persuade N to help me tidy and sort the office/library this weekend, and the rest I can tackle myself, I think. I need to do things gradually, a bit at a time.