A bit of a breakthrough.

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I was lying in bed last night, with that awful, dark feeling pervading my brain, and miserable thoughts about my failings, my weight, the likelihood that I will always feel this way spinning through my head – and all of a sudden, I remembered what I have been taught about moving negative thoughts aside, basically acknowledging them but then moving on, and also a visualisation I did at my last therapy session, to do with changing the pervading colour of my mindset – you picture your mind and look at the colours – mine was very dark at first – and then you consciously bring in brighter colours, ones that lift your mood.

I tried doing this, but with a bit of a difference – the main feeling for me was that my mind was weighed-down, heavy, and so I did some deep breathing and concentrated on making my mind feel lighter – and it worked! The negative feelings didn’t go altogether, but there was a real improvement. In fact, I am having the same heavy feelings now, and am doing the same thing – and it is working again!

This is giving me some confidence that I will be able to carry on improving once therapy finishes (I only have two or three sessions left).

I do feel better than yesterday (it helps that it is a lovely, sunny day) – probably a 5 or 6/10. And clearly what I need is to spend some time in mindful meditation, clearing my head and lightening my mind.

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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