It has been a crap weekend – I haven’t slept well, and have even had a nightmare about the bloody Independence referendum. I am so stressed about the whole thing – what happens if there is a yes vote – will we have to leave Scotland, will our house’s value plummet, what about No3 son’s Uni fees, etc etc, and if there is a No vote, will there be a backlash from the Yes campaigners against those of us who have denied them their independence?
Every news story, every FB status update on the campaign, every article I see makes me sick in the pit of my stomach. And I can feel myself getting depressed again – I am headed back down into the dark place. I am going to ring the insurance company tomorrow, to find out what they will need from me and from the therapist, in order to be able to authorise more therapy sessions, because the way I am feeling now, there is no way I am ready to stop therapy. I just hope they say yes. If they don’t, I think I will have to go back on antidepressants, and I am not keen to do that.
I know we have had a stressful couple of months – the Commonwealth games, with sons coming in late from volunteering/working at the games, followed by the visit of my terminally ill mother in law, which was stressful in its own way, even though it was lovely to see her and spend time with her, then the visit of my father in law, which nearly brought me to my knees, dealing with shouting at him so he could hear, and listening to his interminable lectures on Penzance’s supermarkets or how he makes his bloody porridge. Then last week’s visit from my friend was stressful too, because she is such a live wire, and I just don’t have the energy to cope, these days – and whilst painting the kitchen was a great thing to get done, and it looks really good, it nearly finished me off – I could barely move that evening, and the next day, I was still stiff – and the tiredness hasn’t gone away.
I just wish I could take a load of sleeping tablets and wake up in a week. Maybe then I’d feel I’d caught up.