Failing at the daily posts…

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To be honest, since my last post, I have just focused on surviving to the referendum. I avoided the News and flicked past the reporting of the campaign in the paper, blocked several people’s news feeds on FB, and made sure I got some sleep by taking over-the-counter sleeping tablets every night. And it worked – I felt less stressed and anxious.

We sat up and watched all the results come in, up to the point where it was certain that No had won – at 6.09am. We hadn’t intended to, but stayed up to watch the early results come in, and got hooked – it was very confusing for the dogs – we did the bedtime routine of last wees, and a biscuit, but then didn’t actually go to bed – and No2 dog got to spend the night between us on the couch, which has been her dream as long as she’s lived here. No1 dog was very perplexed when the next time we got up from the couch, it was her breakfast time!

I hope that things get back to normal fairly soon. But I am already pretty sick of seeing people banging on about how we only voted No because of bullying and fear – of course it is completely impossible that people voted No based on careful consideration of the facts and promises being made by both sides. I am seriously considering hiding some people’s newsfeeds again, because I am getting so anxious and upset by what’s being said. But on the positive side, I am feeling more able to stick up for myself and state my opinions to people.

I saw my therapist last Tuesday, and one thing I need to do is to write out the email I didn’t write and send to the knitting group – the one that says how I really felt about what went on. I don’t feel up to doing that right now, but am making a note of it here so I remember.

I am feeling pretty crap today – headache (lack of sleep and an early start) and depressed. Part of why I am feeling down is that I left No1 son at Glasgow Central today, with N, and all his bags and baggage, because he is off southwards for the start of the new term – and because someone came up the ramp, I had to leave without a hug from him.

What I really need is to take myself out for the day, away from FB, and the nonsense on there – but I feel too crap to do that. Barely a 3/10 physically and 4/10 emotionally. And I don’t know what will make me feel better – I have sweets, chocolate, crochet, and crap to watch on tv, but I am not sure that will be any good for me, apart from the crochet.

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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