Yesterday was surprisingly good, weather-wise, despite the effects of former Hurricane Gonzalo. It was very windy, driving into Glasgow for therapy, and back, but at the same time we had a lot of sunshine – which was lovely to see (when one didn’t have to be outside in the wind and rain, of course).
Today is not so good – grey and wet and mizzly – and pretty chilly too.
For the first time in a while, I am alone in the house, apart from the dogs. N is down in London, and will be heading south from there to visit his mum who is still in the hospice, but deteriorating quite fast. The doctor looking after her told N, on Friday, that if she were to come in a fortnight hence to be told my mother in law had passed away in her sleep, she would not be surprised. To be honest, this is the sort of timeframe we were feeling was the case.
I went down to see her last Saturday – No2 son and I flew down on the 6.45am flight to Gatwick, then got the train to Clapham Junction, and changed there for Basingstoke, meeting No1 son (who is on crutches because he has dislocated his knee) – and we all met up with my brother in law at Southampton, and went out to the hospice.
It was actually a very positive visit – lots of laughter and do-you-remembers, and I think she enjoyed the visit. We took my brother in law out for a meal afterwards, then headed back to London and Heathrow, for an evening flight home – it was an incredibly long day, and given my weight and the fact that I have a gammy ankle at the moment, it was utterly knackering, but I am glad I did it – it was the right thing to do.
I am almost at the end of my therapy – one more session to go – and I am feeling very positive about my ability to carry on with the work I have been doing, and my recovery, when I am released back into the community! I did try to take N through a session of mindful breathing and meditation – but he fell asleep half way through! Still – I guess that was what he needed!
I am only going to be able to post here fairly sporadically, in the next few weeks, I suspect – we don’t know when my mother in law will pass on, or how long it will take to organise the funeral, but what with that, and the complications of doing it all from such a distance away, I may not be able to find the time (or, indeed the emotional energy) to post on here very often.
But once this is all past, and once the therapy is over, I am intending to post at least weekly. I am compiling a list of the things in my life that would be green lights (ie. everything is going well with me), amber lights (warnings that my mood might be slipping – with action points attached, so if I spot them, I have some sort of plan in place to arrest the slip) and red lights (signs that I am depressed again, and need to take urgent action). I want to check in each week, and assess myself using the traffic lights, and also maybe by doing the Core 10 form that I have done each session with my therapist, so I can track the numbers as a more objective measure of my mood state.