Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Standard

Doctor’s this morning – and my blood sugar was high – in the clinical level for diagnosing type 2 diabetes. Second blood test to come next week, but even if that is sub-clinical, I am still in the high risk catagory, and they would want to start, quote, ‘aggressively’ tackling the issue.

I am in bits here. I knew it was always on the cards, because I am so obese – but I have tried and failed so many times to lose the weight – and with everything else going on at the moment, I don’t know if I can cope with even one more issue. And I don’t think I have the strength of will and self control needed to get my diet under control – because this will mean no more little, gradual changes, but big, swingeing ones – and I know, from past experience, that I can manage those for a short time, but then I fail, big-time.

There is a nagging thought at the back of my mind that maybe it would be better if my blood got so full of sugar that I had a stroke – one huge, fatal stroke. And the thought of an overdose did come into my head as I drove up to the house – but poor N and the boys have enough shit going on – the last thing they need is for me to do that to them. So a fleeting thought is all it can or will be, at the moment.

I have another blood test scheduled for next Tuesday – if that is clinical for diabetes, then the diagnosis is made, and yet another level of shit is added to life – not that I think I will be able to do much about it just yet. I was talking to N, just now, and he thinks we get through the things that are on our plates now – his mum, the dog’s surgery, and Christmas, and then we see where we go from there.

I do know that there are things I can do – and that it wouldn’t be too difficult to reduce the amount of sugar in my daily diet – I can cut out or cut down the obvious things – fruit juice, sugary drinks, sugar on cereal, jams etc – maybe that will be enough initially – along with the Metformin.

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About sdtgcraftygenius

I'm in my late forties, mum of three teenage boys, living near Glasgow. I've been a nurse, studied politics and music at university, and now I am a stay-at-home mother. I've suffered from depression for many years (only recently diagnosed), and take antidepressants daily to keep me on a manageable level.

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